Take My Temperature, Please

Jay Leno was his jokey self on his first day back to work Monday night. Leno missed two nights of The Tonight Show last week–the first two sick days ever for the late night iron man–after recording a temperature of 103 degrees provoking an overnight trip to the hospital. “I ate a raw pig brought back from Mexico,” joked Topical Jay, who also said he had a dream at the hospital that he was suffocating. “I woke up and Conan was holding a pillow over my head.”
It kept going. Leno said he heard “doctors in next room trying to revive NBC’s schedule.” The band started with the “Hooray for Hollywood” music as Leno went into full Rodney Dangerfield mode. He said he was given a couple of shots in the rear end. “I didn’t feel any better but afterwards I hit two home runs.”
There were more swine flu jokes. “It originated with pigs or an AIG executive,” cracked Leno.
Even Canada was a target. Leno reported that two Canadians were discovered having sex in a dumpster. “That’s what I call white trash!” ripped Jay, who takes his last Tonight Show bow May 29. Cue the rim shot. Tip your waitress.

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