ABC, 8 p.m.
Marie Osmond is stoned to death after failing to show sufficient humility in defeat. Host: Tom Bergeron.
Two and a Half Mennonites
CBS, 9 p.m.
Two rural pacificsts attempt to pick up women though abstinance and the wearing of black clothes. Tonight: Charlie’s barn raising fails to impress some local skanks.
The Amazing Race
CTV, 8 p.m.
After a challenge detour causes a mix up at the airport, the Jews return to the promised land. [End of series.]
Dr. Phillistine Prime Time Special
Dr. Phillistine is his usual intollerant self after meeting with various warring couples, accusing them of being “Bohemian wing nuts.”
Victoria’s Bible Secrets
Fox, 9 p.m.
Explained: just how Moses was able to tie his ass to a tree and walk 40 miles.
City-TV, 9 p.m.
Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah and the mother of Solomon, tries to sqeeze into a pair of low-rise jeans while wearing a poncho. Get thee to a stylist!