TCA Day Three: The Lamas Method

PASADENA, Calif.–Lorenzo Lamas looks Mahvelous. The former Falcon Crest and Renegade dude was at press tour today to help promote The Lamas Life, a celebrity reality show/dysfunctional family TV intervention airing Stateside on E! Entertainment Television.
Still impossibly tanned and trim, if a little Tommy Lee leathery, Lamas sat on stage with daughters Shayne Lamas, son A.J. Lamas and ex-wife Michele Smith. Getting The Eagles or Zeppelin back together again for a press conference would have been less tense. There was more tension in the room “than in Chris Brown’s car” to steal Jeff Dunham’s one funny line from yesterday’s TCA sessions.
“Reality shows tear families apart, are you worried this is going to happen to you,” said Shane, helpfully interviewing herself. “Well, no, because we have already been torn apart,” she stated.
The problem is between Lamas and his son, A.J. The two hadn’t spoken for six years prior to the series. It all dates back to when A.J. was 11 or 12, Lamas said told a small scrum after the session. Dad had gone and married wife No. Three of Four and this rocked Jr’s world. Lamas admitted the timing was bad, mistakes were made, but tried to explain to Jr. that daddy’s have needs.
Still, daddy gets no respect. It wasn’t that way between Lorenzo and his movie star dad, Fernando Lamas (the movie smoothie Billy Crystal used to send up on SNL). Lamas said he idolized his dad. Son A.J.? Not so much.
Lamas is separated from his fourth wife but is still hitting on half the planet. It is even happening on the show; Lamas said he met a lady in a recent episode and things could get interesting. The episode had Lamas accompanying daughter Shayne to a auto show and daughter asking daddy to work the room to help her land a gig. Lamas turned on the seducto-beam and quickly lined up his next date. What a guy, what a dad.
Lamas said he checked with buddy Bruce Jenner, who was dissected on that whole Kardasian show, before stepping into the big, fat E! celebrity vat of goo. Jenner warned his pal that cameras would be thrust in his face 24/7. Lamas took the advice, remembered he didn’t have a steady TV gig, held his nose and walked the plank.
“You’ll be surprised to see how normal and dysfunctional our family is,” Lamas told reporters. “We are in a sense rebuilding out lives professionally and personally.”
Son A.J. was a little more direct. “A fucking TV show, to bring us back together? If it takes a TV show for me and this guy to get back together, so be it.”
Shayne is just glad to be part of one big happy family again. “My dad has come through,” she said, gaining volume the way Lola Heatherington used to shout “I’m going to bear all your children!” on SCTV. That’s the series that ended before all of this celebrity reality junk took TV beyond parody. Those were the days.

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