That dumbass Coach was eliminated on Survivor last night. With both Coach and Boston Rob gone, the Villains are so weak they’re about to be awarded a Toronto sports franchise. Also eliminated this week, permanently, was an ex-Survivor producer’s wife; police got suspicious when they found a snuffed torch near the body. (Too soon? Hey, I stole this joke from FACEBOOK!) There was pizza and bowling on Survivor last night, plus the kids played a very muddy game of capture the flag. Sandra went all Helena Guergis, whingeing about how she hates everybody. With all the interesting characters already gone, the producers resorted to several shots of crabs on the beach (insert Jerri joke here).
NEXT WEEK: The biggest, dumbest, most boneheaded move ever (besides me agreeing to write about this show every week).

Amber Dowling (TV Guide Canada): “Sandra’s brilliant move, planting a bug in Russell’s ear that Coach wanted him gone, is exactly why she will go far in this game. Every time there’s a move to be made, she is somehow always around. These players would do well to remember that she is the only Survivor contestant to have never had a vote cast against her.” Read the rest of Dowling’s recap here.

Michael Bolen (The National Post): “As the commercial says: “Even kids know it’s wrong to hold out on somebody.” I love Survivor, but last night’s episode left me feeling like I missed the fine print. I respect that using editing to create tension is necessary, but by the time the episode ends the audience should still be able to figure out what actually happened. Russ’ vote for Courtney went completely unexplained and left me wondering if he’s as in control of the Villains as we are being led to believe.” Read the rest of Bolen’s recap here.

Kat Angus (Dose.ca): “Hey, Coach, remind me: how many of the other Villains threw their vote away last week by voting for Courtney? Oh, was that just you? Then I’m pretty sure your anger at Boston Rob being voted out is entirely misplaced. I’d tell you to look in a mirror, but a) there are no mirrors on Survivor, b) if there were, you’d never do anything else, and c) that sounds like something Jeff Probst would say, and I’m a way better writer than whoever is scripting his lines.” Follow the rest of Angus’ latest recap here.

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