The folks at Newstalk 1010 in Toronto — CFRB to us oldtimers — called and asked if I would weigh in on an important election matter. The issue they wanted my expert opinion on: which Gilligan’s Island character does each of the Ontario party leaders most closely resemble?
Mark Towhey is the host of a nightly “Wildcard” segment on Newstalk 1010 where they invite a guest to talk about election-adjacent topics. My task was to assign each of the leaders a role on the ’60s sitcom about seven hapless castaways who get shipwrecked during a three-hour tour.
Doug Ford, the premiere of the province, would play, of course, the Skipper (Alan Hale, Jr.). Put a captain’s hat on Ford and he doesn’t even need makeup for the role. The wardrobe even fits.
Andrea Horvath, official opposition leader of the New Democratic Party, would play Mrs. Thurston Howell III (Natalie Schafer) or “Lovely” as her rich hubby (Jim Backus) used to call her. Horvath has been in the news lately due to a wardrobe upgrade, so there’s the link — both of them have way too many clothes.
Now, there was a momentary power outtage here at the Brampton bunker Friday night and it was enough to shut down the WiFi during the zoom call with Towhey on 1010. Which was a drag, because I didn’t get to make my pick for Steven Del Duca, leader of the Liberal Party.
I was struggling with him anyway. He really doesn’t look like anybody on Gilligan’s Island. With his bald head, he looks more like Dr. Evil, Mike Myers’ ridiculous villain from the “Austin Powers” movies. Or just about any Bond villian. Or a character from another ’60s sitcom, Uncle Fester from The Adaams Family.
These are, by the way, not the look you want to have as a relative unknown heading into a provincial election. With the Leafs life and death to get out of the first round of the NHL playoffs, nobody is thinking election right now anyways. The weather is heating up, and the constant phone calls asking for polling information is another reason to get out of the house. Instead of election ads on TV, all you see right now are sports betting commrcials. If Del Duca could buy any leftover ad spots, he would be wise to promise Ontarians to ban all sports gambling ads — he’s be elected in a landslide.
As for Mike Schreiner from the Green Party, I guess we could cast him as The Professor (played by Russell Johnson). He does have an MA from Guelph. Tempting, however, to just cast him and other party leaders as “The Rest,” which is how Gilligan’s Island dismissed The Professor and Mary Ann (Dawn Wells) those first two seasons during the main titles of their sitcom.
The Ontario election, by the way, is on June 2.