Kimmel Bats 1000; HBO Finally Unpopular Enough for Canadian TV

The 1000th episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live (tomorrow night at 11:35 on City-TV and ABC) was the main topic today on TV Feeds My Family’s weekly chat with CHML’s Scott Thompson. (Listen in here.) Told Thompson I spoke with Kimmel yesterday in an oddly underpopulated ABC conference call with critics. Kimmel talked about his recent viral video send ups with girlfriend Sarah Silverman (both “I’m F***ing Matt Damon” and Kimmel’s hilarious rebuttal, “I’m F***ing Ben Affleck,” have drawn 12 million viewings on YouTube), surviving the writers strike and bonding with his new best friend Jay Leno; you can read more in the Canadian Press column I filed today, posted, among other places, over at cbc.ca.
Also got into it with Thompson about the deal to bring long time “forbidden fruit” premium U.S. cable channels HBO, Showtime, Nickelodeon and ESPN across the border. Canadian cable and satellite companies, who we all know are, uh, hard up for cash, say their customers want these channels and that was so true–TEN YEARS AGO. If you haven’t pulled the latest episode of Weeds off your computer, or watched it day and date with Showtime’s broadcast on TMN, or a few months later on CTV, or in a box set DVD, wait another week, it will probably be coming to TV Land or, hell, Vision.
Now not even Americans want HBO, which has been in a creative funk ever since The Sopranos faded to black. Americans should instead be demanding access to The Movie Network and Movie Central, two long protected Canadian services which have feasted on the best HBO, Showtime and others have had to offer, cherry picking gems like Californication, Dexter and Flight of the Conchords. Add that to the graphic porn TMN shows every night after midnight and you’ve got a licence to print money, one of the few still cranking it out in these nervous times in the TV industry.
The CRTC will hold hearings looking into this in Ottawa beginning next week. They have been asked to allow HBO and the others in now that nobody wants then anymore because the cable companies, like everyone else in the TV business these days, have hit the wall in terms of growth and expansion. They need something shiny and new to bundle with the loser channels and justify the new rate increases.
Technology, however, has enabled resourceful Canadians to take an end run around CRTC restrictions for years. You don’t have to subscribe to TMN to enjoy, say, the new HBO miniseries John Adams, you just need a computer with lots of memory and storage capacity and time to search and stream.
A fresher carrot for Canadian consumers might be the ESPN bundle, which would allow U.S. college football and basketball fans to see their favorites in action on their giant plasma screens without resorting to having their grey- or black-market dish re-booted every two weeks. Although paying for it legally just doesn’t sound like any fun anymore, does it?
This just in from the CRTC: CANADIANS NOW ALLOWED TO BUY AMERICAN CARS! Pass it on!

18 Responses to “Kimmel Bats 1000; HBO Finally Unpopular Enough for Canadian TV”

  1. Anonymous

    The CRTC decides which American specialty channels and programs will be allowed and made available for Canadian viewers? Sounds like Nazi Germany. I suppose this is why over a million Canadian households have illegal satellite dishes. Think about that for a second. There are more Canadian viewers watching “forbidden” American specialty channels in a single evening than the CBC attracts all year long. I think that’s about right, well, you get my point. Is there a picture of Joseph Goebbels in the lobby of the CRTC building?

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  2. you know, you’re right it does sound just like Nazi Germany I never thought of it like that before I’m going to get down to the CRTC right now and see if there is a picture of Goebbels in the lobby. Wish me luck…

    Pray for my return.

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  3. Yessiree. The Nazi Germany comparison. Wheeeee! What discourse!

    You know what else is just like Nazi Germany?

    The Post Office.

    They think they’re so smart with them snazzy uniforms of theirs.

    Please, let’s all list more things that are just like Nazi Germany! The more comparisons the better! Hold nothing back! Let’s trivialize the forty million or so people who died!

    Wheee! Being a tool is fun!

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  4. Anonymous

    “Sweep the trolls out Brioux! Dare!”

    “Please, let’s all list more things that are just like Nazi Germany!”

    uhhh, how about censorship dmc?…yup, being a tool sure is fun, isn’t it?

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  5. so i just got back from the crtc building and it is even worse than anonymous thought. there are jews there, jews and french people, who would have thought they would be working hand in hand with the nazi’s…

    … maybe they’re stalinists!

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  6. Egad. It makes sense! Jews, the French, CBC viewers, commies — they ALL think they’re superior. Just like those pesky Nazis. Wait. Didn’t the Nazis also wipe out the feebleminded?

    QUICK, MOUSE ! To the attic! Hide! The Nazis are coming! Please! For your own safety! Put down the keyboard and hide yourself!

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  7. Anonymous

    “Sweep the trolls out Brioux! Dare!”

    You can whoop! and rant! and pound! the keyboard! until the cbcer comes home! but dmc! you’re transparent as the cbc is lousy!

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  8. Wow mouse. Harsh. And after I expressed my heartfelt concern for your physical safety. You know who talks like that?

    NAZIS!

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  9. Anonymous

    DMC 4:36 PM

    “Jews, the French, CBC viewers, commies — they ALL think they’re superior…. let’s trivialize the forty million or so people who died”

    This was a thread about how the CRTC restricts, censors and manipulates the Canadian media. DMC’s predictably lame (I can’t believe he calls himself a writer) and offensive suggestion that those who do not support the CRTC’s censorship of American specialty channels or it’s control over Canadian broadcasters is the equivalent of a (holocaust) denier. And this is what the political left do. They attempt to silence debate on contentious issues like censorship and propaganda by suggesting that any dissent is the moral equivalency of being a (holocaust) denier.

    In the 1930’s the Nazi’s confiscated all German radios and replaced them with ones which only received certain radio frequencies so that broadcasts from outside of Nazi Germany could not be heard. Does anyone recognize a parallel with CRTC policy concerning American broadcasters?
    The CRTC should not be in the censorship or propaganda business because this isn’t North Korea. Canadians should be allowed to watch and listen to what they want – not what some liberal in Ottawa thinks is best.

    DMC can make offensive and racist remarks about Jews and the French if he chooses as he is unlikely to further erode his reputation or credibility – and his excessively liberal anti-American views are a matter of public record, but Canada is still a democracy and the policies of the CRTC are undemocratic and more in line with the type of control over media and broadcast which is seen in fascist totalitarian states.

    The State has no business in the cultural industries and the market should decide what services are provided by Canadian cable companies – and that is the arrangement which the cable companies would prefer. Why should anyone be required to pay for a service which they will never use? Nobody watches 75% of the channels they’re paying for and you can include the CBC in that equation.

    The downside to all of this is that the socialists who are lined up at the CTF trough will have to find a new way to pay the rent because it is only the liberal bureaucrats in Ottawa who embrace the kind of shit which is promoted and worked on by second rate hacks like DMC.

    I look forward to his predictable response about me surfing gay porn sites while I’m dressed up as a Nazi.

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  10. Anonymous

    dmc is like a blind man wiping his ass, doesn’t know when to stop…

    “Sweep the trolls out Brioux! Dare!”

    “You know who talks like that?”

    “NAZIS!”

    sooo dmc about this CRTC thingy…thoughts?…this will be interesting.

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  11. Unbelievable. Fric and frac. One can’t follow context of an argument, and the other has such a paucity of thought he parrots back those who make fun of him.

    Shame that those who are so free to throw around Nazi comparisons learn nothing from the Reich’s quite sophisticated employment of propaganda.

    For anyone reading for context, let’s just cap the reality of the debate here. Counter arguments, and the truth, are easy enough to find. But let’s just diagram the sheer volumes of falsehoods in one post here. You can search out the truth of any of these statements easily enough. See how much bullshit’s packed into a short screed:

    This was a thread about how the CRTC restricts, censors and manipulates the Canadian media.

    FALSE. Anybody capable of reading context can see that this was a thread that led off on from a complete misread of Brioux’s article, and then became about ridiculing the absurd, tired and overheated cliche of the “this is just like Nazi Germany”.

    DMC’s predictably lame (I can’t believe he calls himself a writer) (Ad hominem attack; the last refuge of one who cannot employ either logic, fact or humor to make a point.)

    and offensive suggestion that those who do not support the CRTC’s censorship of American specialty channels or it’s control over Canadian broadcasters is the equivalent of a (holocaust) denier.

    FALSE. Read the thread again. Dude’s just shameless.

    And this is what the political left do. They attempt to silence debate on contentious issues like censorship and propaganda by suggesting that any dissent is the moral equivalency of being a (holocaust) denier.

    This is a top troll tactic. Feign outrage and accuse the person aligned against you of the very thing your side did. Pathetic.

    In the 1930’s the Nazi’s confiscated all German radios and replaced them with ones which only received certain radio frequencies so that broadcasts from outside of Nazi Germany could not be heard. Does anyone recognize a parallel with CRTC policy concerning American broadcasters?

    FALSE. First we have an urban legend — let’s see an iota of documentation… it was, in fact, the Nazis who introduced cheap radios to the German populace who didn’t have them at all, so that the propaganda could be heard. It’s terrible when history doesn’t fit your made up analogy!


    The CRTC should not be in the censorship or propaganda business because this isn’t North Korea. Canadians should be allowed to watch and listen to what they want – not what some liberal in Ottawa thinks is best.

    Where to start? 97 percent of what’s on US TV is available on Canadian TV. The other three percent is probably sitting on Ivan Fecan’s shelf so that Global can’t run it. CTV does that all the time.

    Also, every country in the world — including the USA — has a broadcast regulator. And all countries restrict Foreign signals. Canada, by virtue of the amount of signals allowed on the air from the US, is actually less restrictive than most countries. Oh, and a country that airs The Sopranos over the air uncut is hardly the restrictive gulag Mr. Hyperbole wants to make it into.

    DMC can make offensive and racist remarks about Jews and the French if he chooses as he is unlikely to further erode his reputation or credibility – and his excessively liberal anti-American views are a matter of public record,

    Uh yeah. As is my dual citizenship. But sure, okay, yeah. I’m anti-American. Moving on…

    but Canada is still a democracy and the policies of the CRTC are undemocratic and more in line with the type of control over media and broadcast which is seen in fascist totalitarian states.

    Like England, the United States, France, Germany, Israel, Japan, Ireland, South Korea, Australia, Spain, Norway, Denmark, Sweden, Finland — and on and on and on. All countries with broadcast regulators just like the CRTC.

    The State has no business in the cultural industries and the market should decide what services are provided by Canadian cable companies

    Which are regulated monopolies.

    And again, a public-private funding system for TV obtains in all the “fascist totalitarian dictatorships” mentioned above. Everywhere in fact but the USA.

    Oh, where there’s PBS and NPR..funded by the Government. Whoops.


    – and that is the arrangement which the cable companies would prefer.
    So long as they retain their monopolies, you mean.

    Why should anyone be required to pay for a service which they will never use? Nobody watches 75% of the channels they’re paying for and you can include the CBC in that equation.

    You can. The data doesn’t support it, but then again, why would you want to start making an argument based in fact now? You’re doing so well with tired rhetoric and a misreading of both regulatory and economic policy!


    The downside to all of this is that the socialists who are lined up at the CTF trough will have to find a new way to pay the rent because it is only the liberal bureaucrats in Ottawa who embrace the kind of shit which is promoted and worked on by second rate hacks like DMC.

    FALSE. I am actually a first rate hack. It says so right on my card.

    (I should point out here that this is, of course, the time honored (or honoured, if you prefer) technique of self-deprecation. It’s a technique used that often can defuse an argument — if the person you’re arguing with is capable of decoding and understanding humor (or humour) I have very low hopes that it will work here.)

    I look forward to his predictable response about me surfing gay porn sites while I’m dressed up as a Nazi.

    FALSE. Buddy can’t even keep his political cliches straight! I’m perfectly comfortable with you doing whatever sick and twisted thing you want when you’re alone, Klaus.

    You’re the guys who seem to be inordinately interested in who fucks who and how and how they can’t or why they can’t or damnit, maybe they can but I shouldn’t have to pay for it (and on, and on, and on.)

    So great. Well done. Another wonderful big long rant. And not one word, not one statement you made has any basis in fact whatsoever.

    Except for the hack thing. And even there you got the degree wrong.

    Frank, it was fun while it lasted.

    Fric and Frac you have the floor. Turn out the light when you’re finished making your … um … same point.

    Oh and the wiping the ass thing? That’s sheer Gold. You guys should get a grant for that!

    Toodles!

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  12. Anonymous

    Well I said it would be interesting and once again I’m proved wrong…thanks dmc…in typical state funded cbc fashion it’s all empty rhetoric and spin.

    As for obtaining a grant I wouldn’t know where to begin but I betcha you could help me out there, eh dmc?

    Boom! Boom! out go the lights!

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  13. Anonymous

    DMC 8:21 PM

    “I’m actually a first rate hack”

    No, you’re not a first rate anything, well, maybe a first rate asshole, but I digress.

    DMC is always quick to post obnoxious and insulting vile comments to deflect any criticism of Canada’s cultural industries – which cost taxpayers over $2.5 billion every year.

    “Shame on those who are so free to throw around Nazi comparisons learn nothing from the Reich’s
    quite sophisticated employment of propaganda.”

    You’ll have to forgive me if I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Maybe you were stoned when you wrote it. But apparently shame on anyone who uses the word Nazi in the same sentence as the CRTC. And yes, the Nazi’s were quite sophisticated in their use of propaganda, but so are Canadian liberals – and you should know DMC ’cause you’re on the payroll.

    $2.5 billion can buy a lot of influence which is why the Canadian media is exclusively liberal. Even, or especially, private broadcasters who receive parliamentary appropriations. When is the last time anyone saw a conservative on CTV for example?
    But it’s what Canadians don’t see which is of concern. The anonymous bloggers coupled with those we know of. The agent provocateurs who troll internet chat rooms and who then file HRC complaints in an effort to shut down conservatives like Ezra Levant. There are other remarkable examples – far too many to discuss in this forum.

    “Canada is becoming just like Nazi Germany” is anything but a “tired and overheated cliche”. When a high ranking official with the HRC states that (and I paraphrase)”freedom of speech is an American right and that Canadians do not have such a right”.
    Well, that sounds like Nazi Germany to me.

    “Lets trivialize the 40 million or so who died”. That was DMC’s response to the rhetorical question of whether there was a picture of Joseph Goebbels in
    the lobby of the CRTC in Ottawa. Again, DMC invokes comparisons to the holocaust when a Nazi and the CRTC is mentioned in a posting. Read the thread again fatso. “Dudes just shameless” – and don’t call me Dude.

    “First we have an urban legend – the Nazi’s introduced cheap radios to the German populace who didn’t have them at all” Bullshit. In 1943 over 1.1 million radios were confiscated by the Nazi’s and replaced with the Volksempfanger, which could not receive short wave signals ie: only received Nazi broadcasts – same strategy the CRTC employed with Fox News for the first seven years it was on the air but there was such demand and lobbying by cable companies that the CRTC relented but Fox News is only available on digital cable and it is bundled with “liberal” cable news stations and it is expensive. The CRTC used a similar tactic with the Glen Beck show on Headline News – which was removed from the bundling of news services available on cable and it now has to be ordered in addition to and at greater expense. If Canadians want anything other than liberal views they’ll pay through the nose.

    As for 97% of American television being available in Canada – more lies from liberal propagandist Dennis McGrath. Check out the listings for any American specialty channel and marvel at the programming differences. Canadians who subscribe to Canadian specialty channels are getting gouged and ripped off. The cable companies would love to include American specialty channels in their lineup but the CRTC forbids it.

    Canada is a cultural wasteland – people with grey market dishes aren’t trying to save money, they just want to have programming which will entertain and inform them – without a liberal bias.

    “The data doesn’t support it” is Dennis McGrath’s response to my assertion that Canadians don’t watch the CBC – CANADIANS HATE THE CBC !!!
    The CBC is not trusted or respected by about 98% of the country. Only nutcases like Judy Rebbick and Olivia Chow watch the CBC and if subscription to the CBC was optional they would be off the air next week.

    And yes, every country has a broadcast regulator but only countries like Cuba, North Korea and CANADA fund virtually all of their culture. Name a Canadian film that was privately financed? Name a Canadian TV show that was privately financed? Name one conservative news reporter in Canada – just one? As for PBS in the States – they get less money than the CBC – great example fatso.

    As for the ad hominem attacks -I’m not the first person to call you fat – thought you’d be used to it by now.

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  14. You bastard, Brioux! I finally weaned myself off Colbert. If I start watching Kimmel regularly — you’ve got a lot to answer for.

    Pretty funny monologue. Gotta say.

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  15. Pres. Bush Press conf: “Right now he’s in Europe, which he calls Canada.”

    Heh heh.

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  16. Anonymous

    DMC 11:43 PM

    “Pres. Bush Press conference…. he’s in Europe which he calls Canada”

    There you go folks. DMC, the anti-American American. As for George W. Bush, I’d say he’s done very well for himself. He’s a graduate of Yale (had higher marks than Kerry) and Harvard. He managed a major league ball team, was elected Governor of Texas, two terms as President. Sounds like a good resume.

    As for DMC’s CV, well, he wrote one or two episodes of Rent a Goalie (watched by less than 20,000 Canadians) and he started a website called Dead Things on Sticks which is a response to Small Dead Animals – a conservative website which has had over 9 million visitors. Can you imagine? Nine million visitors to a Canadian conservative website. Oh, and DMC’s website, I think it died from lack of interest.

    But back to the inference that President Bush doesn’t know the difference between Europe and Canada…. it speaks volumes to DMC’s political disposition…. reminds me of that line from Dean Wormer in Animal House; “drunk, fat and stupid is no way to go through life son”.

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  17. Bill, do they regulary do the thing with the animals on Guillemo’s head? That’s quite a charming bit.

    “They’re all from Africa. How come none are from Mexico?”

    heh.

    Reply

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